What if Truth is a person?

In my own pursuit of Truth, I threw myself into many abstract ideas and philosophies about my existence on this earth. And some of them resonated in part, but they always felt like a far off concept that I could never fully grasp with both hands. I had glimpses, and sometimes I had these overwhelmingly profound and consuming experiences that I could never communicate with words, I just knew that I had tapped into something supernatural. But it would eventually always leave me.

I remember saying to myself, almost as a self-soothing mantra, after having one of these experiential highs - “it’s about the integration now…” - as I struggled to cope with and make sense of coming back to this material reality, with a far heavier come down than any drugs I’d ever taken. How many experiences would it take for this “truth” to become fully alive in me? I tried and tried to ‘be a light’ in the spaces I found myself in, but I kept falling back into a deep depression, as the people around me weren’t seeing what I could see and I couldn’t be it to them. So I went back to chasing the next experience, for the next “energetic upgrade”.

“If I could just make my life the ceremony…” I thought to myself. So I sat in my bedroom, lighting my sage and pulling my oracle cards and trying to meditate my way into being able to face the day. But the truth was that I was stuck in sin, and I realised that I needed a Saviour outside of myself to break the cycle and pull me out of it.

That’s when I met Jesus.

Something profoundly supernatural happened in me when I desperately surrendered my life to Him, a “get up and go” instinct, but not a fight or flight one - an encouragement, a purpose. Life was now alive in me. My depression was instantly replaced with joy. My anxiety replaced with peace. My voice was released from the cage it had been trapped in, and suddenly there was a roaring power behind it that couldn’t be tamed - I couldn’t stop singing! I knew that something was radically different when forgiveness began to brew in my heart towards a person that had deeply betrayed me. I began to see people with the eyes of love and compassion, and to pray for mercy on them, instead of cursing them. I was new.

The Bible says that “anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭17‬, ‭NLT‬‬). And that “those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.” (Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭24‬, ‭NLT‬‬)

I didn’t know that the Truth I was looking for, in all of those supernatural experiences, was a person. And that to know Him, I needed to leave my sinful ways behind and become one with Him. But in the moment that I said “yes” to Jesus and turned from being God of my own life, I received His Spirit. The veil that clouded my vision was lifted, and I could see Him for who the Bible says that He is.

Jesus said of the Holy Spirit “When the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13, ESV)

The Good News is that Jesus died to give us freedom from sin, the thing that separates us from God, so that we can live righteously with Him, as intended! He promised that it was better for Him to go away so that He could send us the Helper (John 16:7), so that in Christ, we are no longer separated from Truth because the Spirit of Truth dwells within us.

Now I get to know Him, intimately, because wherever I go, He is there. And as I move through life with Him, I get to experience the life of His presence.

“It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬, ESV‬‬)

So if Truth is what you’re searching for, (or Love, or Peace, or Joy…) wouldn’t you like to know Him personally too?

In the garden - A Poem

there's a loud ache in me

a yearning,

for the rich flavour of stillness

where moments are drawn out in spaciousness

and my soul awakens to the quiet beauty.

presence.

a cool river running through my being

peace,

refreshing.

He takes my hand in moments of mundanity,

"My love, every moment with me is an adventure,

an escape to the bountiful garden.

I have found you,

come and get lost with me here"

and we're laughing, dancing

light feet touching soft grass

I am my beloved's and He is mine -

in love,

in the garden again.

Finding Solid Ground

Commitment has been something I’ve struggled with throughout my adult life. Maybe because I felt rejected or fearful, maybe because I based everything I chose to pursue on how it made me feel . I have come to know and make peace with the fact that I do feel things very deeply and that my feelings are not enemies, they can very much be my friends. But understanding the nature of emotions now, I realise that they are just that - in motion; they are always changing. They come and go, and rise and fall, so don’t make a very solid foundation to build a life on. I have experienced trying to build my life on a feeling and then watching everything I had worked towards come crashing down, as the fleetingness moved it from beneath my feet. It left me endlessly crushed and shaken, back at the beginning, grasping for anything to hold onto.

I now find myself two years on from surrendering my life into the hands of Jesus. And I have tasted and seen the beauty of committing to something that does not waiver. Unlike my emotions, Jesus is faithful. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He never changes. He never grows weary of picking me up when I fall. His love for me never lessens, He never changes His mind. He has chosen me, and because of that, by His amazing grace, I have chosen Him back.

Following Jesus hasn’t always been a smooth and easy ride. But the beauty of it is that even in my own weakness, in my own doubts and fears, He remains the same faithful one who pulled me out of the darkness two and a bit years ago. He is my anchor, and the one I hold onto when the realities of life hit; when grief strikes and when dreams die.

I can rest knowing that His foundation will never be swept from under my feet.

If I lose everything, I still have Jesus. And that is a precious gift.

Stories - A Poem

My parents used to read me stories

before bed, a cup of milk warmed

for one minute in the microwave and tales

of elephant families that I knew every line to,

I think, though, that I took for granted

when I was younger, the power in my expression,

the way that I can mould my body into the shape

of a story, twist my voice to mirror an emotion,

that there are a whole range of emotions, other than just sad

or happy, and I have lived them now,

I have lived the rejection, the depression, the magic,

the broken bones and recreating yourself entirely

after the person you loved enough to trust with every fibre of you

runs away and leaves you fractured at your core,

I understand now how actors only ripen with age,

how each experience is another word

in your vocabulary, each tear another droplet

filling your cup of empathy, each hole in your favourite jumper a story

of heartbreak, and I have only scratched the surface,

I think, I used to be scared of feeling

anything I hadn’t turned inside out and inspected

every inch of, now, I want to break open,

I’m scared, still, but i believe in it now,

I see the power in it now,

I see how women wearing their truths

have inspired girls like me to bear their own

how these tragedies unite us,

and how in a world that tells us to sit still, look pretty,

that tears us down

and pins us against each other,

the bravest thing we can do

is share our stories.